Why Is It So Hard To Say, ”No”? Or Isn’t It?

Why is it so hard to say, ‘’No’’? To meaningless gossips. To that meeting you don’t have to attend. To that boring party invitation you are not keen on going. To domestic violence and financial abuse. To your boss or colleague taking advantage of you. The list is endless.

Is it because it is easier to push your feelings aside than disappoint others? After all, you would have to deal with their disappointment, frustration, anger or even them disliking you. And this, might be too much to deal with so you choose to compromise yourself and say yes. Even when you feel a clear voice inside saying, “Oh my God, no!”, but instead you smile and say, “Yes” or, “Maybe” or, “I will see”.

Then you look for every reason to justify your action, and start selling yourself garbage like: I’ll deal with it later; it’s not a big deal anyway. It might be easier to say yes than having to deal with the ‘negative outcome’ of saying no. But that’s exactly the problem, isn’t it? You are taking responsibility for the perceived feelings of other people while blatantly rejecting and denying your authentic self.

Why it is important to say no.

By agreeing to something because you could not dare to say no, you are sacrificing your long-term well-being for some short-term relieve of social pressure. That is a bad deal. Secondly, if you don’t show your true face because you want to please people, they will continue to treat you ‘’wrongly’’. They cannot read your mind that you indeed mean no, when in fact you are saying yes. Furthermore, by generously offering your time continuously, to please them, you are communicating to them that you don’t matter.

So, if you say, “I like that drink”, even when you don’t like it but just want to be ‘polite’, don’t be surprised when another drink is placed in front of you.

 When you start saying NO, to things you don’t want; to things you don’t need; to things you don’t wish to be part of, people will know exactly where you stand and what you are about and will learn to respect your time and treat you with the respect you deserve.  Your time isn’t less valuable than those requesting it. And your wishes and desires do not have to take a back sit so you can satisfy the often selfish and greedy demands of others. Remember, you matter too.

What it means to say no.

Everyone might want or seek your time, attention, support, love etc. but the simple truth is that you cannot afford to please everyone all the time. Saying no requires no justification, so, accept this fact, be aware of it and learn to say no. By learning to say no you will begin to make choices for your own good and not always just to please others.

Saying no doesn’t mean you have to be a mean nerd that turns down a dear friend in need; it doesn’t mean you should refuse to attend your best friend’s wedding. It is about saying no to those who want to abuse you. It is about saying no to those who are constantly polluting your mental well-being. It is about saying no to those who manipulate and drain you emotionally. Saying no is about making time for yourself to attend to what truly matters to you- your growth, your happiness, your calling, and your life.


Now that you are conscious of the value of your time and how limited it is, I hope you find it easier to say no, so that you can embrace the things that really matter. Nobody is going to give you extra time to create, so you’ll have to cut out some of the things you’re currently saying yes to.  If you can’t create 30 minutes the way you want, how can you create a life the way you want?

  1. Make choices for yourself and not for others
  2. Be honest about who you are and dare to deal with the consequences of being your authentic self. Not everybody will like you for this, but who cares? That’s life.
  3. Be in harmony with your essence, don’t trample on it the whole time and push it aside to please others.
  4. Make choices that will free you time to do things you enjoy and truly want to do.
  5. Stop focusing on how much time you don’t have and begin to figure out ways to get it back.
  6. Get used to saying NO! if you want to embrace things that really matter.

P.S. I hope you won’t  say no to sharing this article or liking our site. 🙂